Transforming Together: Authentic Spiritual Mentoring

Friday, August 12, 2011

Being Held Hostage

She felt like throwing her IPhone across the room after the interchange but thought better of it.  "I am sooo p.o.ed at her! Who does she think she is?!"  The words barely crossed the threshold between thought and utterance when an all-to-familiar emotion began to ooze its way into her soul. "But you did hurt her didn't you? You know how she she needs those affirmations from you....."   She tossed the IPhone into her purse. It soft-landed next to the credit card holder.  She felt worse than before...Self-doubt was heightened by the unwelcomed addition of Guilt.

Guilt. A cruel hostage-holder.  No care. No interest.  Only demands...accusations....reminders....

The thing about guilt is that it carries an element of truth within that twists, turns, cuts and barbs.  And it can gnaw on the soul of a person who is responsible, caring, desiring to do what is right, to 'be' for another, until that one is quietly hemorrhaging from within.  Guilt.

Jesus has been 'growing me' in this area of guilt.  Here are some of His thoughts.  They have strengthened me. Perhaps they might be of help to you as well.

1. Listen carefully to what the other is saying.
2. Refrain from defending oneself.  Focus on listening.
3. Remain calm, asking for clarification if necessary.
4. Talk to Him! Ask Jesus for help, to see the other, the situation through His eyes.
5. Apologize when necessary; restate when appropriate.
6. Commit yourself to the other, but not necessarily to 'solving' their perceived problem.
7. Keep in the Living Word daily for perspective and inner strength.
8. Pray for them, thank Jesus for them.  Keep cleansing your mind with Truth.

Okay. Feedback.  What do YOU think?  How do YOU handle being held hostage by another dumping guilt on you?

Breaking out, Ele


Anonymous Tracy said...

There are many times that I have been given grace to do the above list. But it is all GRACE. I cannot do it on my own. Grace has also given me the ability to always assume the best. To always give others the benefit of the doubt. To feel sure that things done and said to me were done out of a heart that carried only the best of intentions.
I love all people and therefore, I assume that all people love me. It is hard to offend me because of this mindset for every time something that could be questionable is done or said, I imagine only the best and force the negative away.
Surely, no one would intentionally hurt me. So goes my inner dialogue.
Buuuuuut, when someone has made it clear that they do not like me, it hurts. And when they say and do things to hurt me or accuse me, blame me, put guilt on me that it is hard for me to love them, pray for them..........though it IS possible.
I once had an enemy and although I could never find out why she hated me, I began to pray for her. I found that I could than forgive her and I began to be softened toward her. Today, she is friendly to me and we have a casual relationship.
Prayer does work.

November 1, 2011 at 2:45 PM  
Blogger Ele Parrott said...

Yes, it IS all grace...HIS grace through us. It sounds like you have a handle on this and are allowing the Spirit to live through you...go for it!! I love the fact that you choose to pray for your enemy...that does allow forgiveness to be an option!!

November 11, 2011 at 3:57 PM  

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